My Mamafesta, Or What I'd Really Like from a Man in My Life
- You must fuck me five nights a week. And you must like it, really really like it. Until I get sick of that shit. Then we’ll fuck when I feel like it, on your time.
- You will give me half the rent on the day before the rent is due. In cash. I will provide you with a receipt. Thus you will have met your obligations to the household.
- That is, unless you insist on cable or satellite TV and/or high-speed internet. I’m not paying for that shit. You’ll have to provide for that, as well as a TV and computer for mine and my son’s use, too.
- I’ll do your laundry and you’ll like it. If you start whining about idiotic crap like “starch” or “ironing”, you’ll do your laundry.
- I’ll serve you supper every night with a smile on my face. And no matter what I put in front of you, be it filet mignon or pinto beans and dandelion greens, you’ll smile back and say, thank you sweetheart. Every night.
- I’ll never ask you to do something stupid, like “go shopping with me”, and you’ll never ask me to do something stupid like “watch football with you”.
