Still struggling to get this blog going, still posting previous writings. This one from 2009 or 2010, its genesis an email to someone very, very dear.
When I got to work yesterday, my favorite colleague, who lives in Rogers Park and whom I'd see on Red Line and the 95E bus every so often, back when that was my way to work from Albany Park, reported that he watched a man get off the bus he himself was about to board and head toward the el turnstyle. The man was trailing blood with every step and had left a puddle of the stuff behind him. The busdriver said the man had been shot in the foot, which was why, other than the trail of bloody footprints, he looked like any old CTA customer.
This is one of the many reasons I hate living on the SW side. If I still lived in Albany Park, I wouldn't just hear such stories, I'd get to live them. And I'd get to enjoy all my old el friends, like the "fruits and chews" man, the portly gentleman selling body oil, the dude hawking DVDs. I'd get to watch the Great Migration of whites from the train as it passed through downtown heading south. I'd get to enjoy singing Sarah Vaughan and Jerry Lee Lewis songs, loudly, on those mornings when I was the only one in the car south of 79th Street.
Now all I have are the hysterical storefront and church signs all along the 87th St. bus route. And, if I get on early enough, this bizarre 60-something matron, the only other white person on the bus, who my colleagues are convinced is trying to recruit me for a threesome with her husband. Talk about incentive to get off (the bus). I want to ask her, look, lady, what do you think you see in me that may or may not be there?
And then I get to wait for the King Drive bus. Every couple of weeks or so somebody leaves lots of gay men's newspapers/magazines/"Big Bear" and drag queen conference advertisements on the bus stop bench. I enjoy reading them while I wait. On nice days, I walk the mile from 87th to 95th. Everyone says hello from their front porch.
The hello part is nice.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
My Mamafesta, Circa 2010
I came across this just today. I wrote it four years ago. I think its truth still holds.
My Mamafesta, Or What I'd Really Like from a Man in My Life
- You must fuck me five nights a week. And you must like it, really really like it. Until I get sick of that shit. Then we’ll fuck when I feel like it, on your time.
- You will give me half the rent on the day before the rent is due. In cash. I will provide you with a receipt. Thus you will have met your obligations to the household.
- That is, unless you insist on cable or satellite TV and/or high-speed internet. I’m not paying for that shit. You’ll have to provide for that, as well as a TV and computer for mine and my son’s use, too.
- I’ll do your laundry and you’ll like it. If you start whining about idiotic crap like “starch” or “ironing”, you’ll do your laundry.
- I’ll serve you supper every night with a smile on my face. And no matter what I put in front of you, be it filet mignon or pinto beans and dandelion greens, you’ll smile back and say, thank you sweetheart. Every night.
- I’ll never ask you to do something stupid, like “go shopping with me”, and you’ll never ask me to do something stupid like “watch football with you”.
Monday, March 3, 2014
A Blast from the Past to Get me Going Again
Way back on February 8, 2009, I wrote this List of 25 Random Thoughts for my Facebook Page. A friend told me she'd enjoyed reading the one post I've made to this blog in 7 years; I realized I need to keep at this but I haven't the strength. So here's this to get me going again. Hope you enjoy.
You'll note that some of these thoughts no longer apply as I've changed in 5 years. And so has healthcare.
You'll note that some of these thoughts no longer apply as I've changed in 5 years. And so has healthcare.
1. I am absolutely
lost. I have no idea what i'm supposed to be doing, with this list or with
anything else.
2. In spite of that fact, I have an uncanny ability to locate and navigate anywhere on Earth - I can read any map, find any address, have located bathrooms in Baku and talked my way out of a Panamanian whorehouse.
3. Whenever I hear Oprah's buddy Dr. Oz mention that we should be getting it on, like, 250 days of the year for our health, I always scream at the TV "TELL IT TO BLUE CROSS/BLUE SHIELD!!!!! CAN'T THEY PROCURE ME SOME ACTION? I PAY ENOUGH FOR HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!!!!!
4. Perhaps, rather than screaming at Dr. Oz, I should write to my Congressional reps.
5. Now that I have a car, I've found I really miss my 3- to 4-hour CTA trips to and from work. It was the only time I had to myself, to think, nap, and, on the rare occasions my el car would empty itself of all other riders south of Garfield, I would sing really, really loud.
6. I'd sing all the best songs - Indigo Girls, Sarah Vaughn, Elvis Presley, Otis Redding, Edith Piaf.
7. When I'm blue and feeling useless, I have two secret son weapons I whip out, both by my beloved Marvin Gaye - "Pride and Joy" and "You're All I Need to Get By" (the incomparable Tammy Terrell is on that one).
8. Both of these songs remind me of that little boy I love more than my life itself, and that he is truth and solace, and that as far as having a man in one's life goes, I have the gold standard - the son.
9. My mother used to call my brother and I her "love children"; my son is that to me in her sense and the more traditional, Diana-Ross-and-the-Supremes sense of the phrase.
10. Sometimes I wonder how such a chump like me ended up with such a beautiful, wonderful little boy. It's evident that strangers wonder this too, and sometimes give me dirty looks because they clearly think it's unjust that my lard-assed, unkempt self's progeny is WAY BETTER LOOKING than theirs. To which I smile sweetly and think a pretty little phrase, a mere two words, the first of which begins with F.
11. Sometimes I wonder what good it did my parents to plan my brother and I so carefully and await our births so joyfully when my father died before my brother was born and my mother had to die 28 years later.
12. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue to keep from yelling out at certain relatives or other people who really piss me off "Why did God take my parents and leave you here?"
13. At those times, I'm thankful that some questions have no answers, and are best left unasked. I don't need to know all the answers. I'm not God.
14. After a lifetime of lots of responsibility and little authority, believe you me, I don't want more authority - I want NO responsbility and NO authority.
15. If I could do anything at all professionally, I'd be singing.
16. Or I'd be a legislator. I love pontificating and problem-solving and flying around on airplanes.
17. One day I will lose weight, and there will be hell to pay.
18. I have the best brother on earth. If I could be him for one day, I'd be him on the day he attends his high school reunion, and do all the things he's too mature and evolved to do - namely, openly laugh at all the losers who mocked him because he was true to himself and dared to be brilliant, ask them if their glory days have any meaning whatsoever now that they're paunchy, balding, undereducated, poorly employed, and unhappily married. The problem is, my brother and I were raised better than that, and we never made fun of anybody. Which, i'm beginning to realize, is exceptional, and only occurs if, as a parent, you refuse to gossip or speak ill of anyone in front of your children.
19. I would ask that my friends in New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Virginia, Indiana, Louisiana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Washington, Colorado, California, Ecuador, Germany, London, and Japan please move to Chicago immediately because I miss them.
20. I would ask all my Illinois-based people to stop by my house for a cup of coffee. or some rum - I have some really nice rum I brought home from PR.
21. Why do men say things to you that they don't mean or that they take back two days later with words like "I mean all that stuff, emotionally, but I'm not ready for a relationship." I'm asking for real; this is not a rhetorical question. How can anybody ever say shit that they don't mean? Don't they know that's lying?
22. I need to sell my car.
23. I need to buy a good fuzzy-logic rice cooker.
24. I've begun writing a screenplay. It's a chick flick. I hate those movies, but i'm not doing this for art; i'm doing it for cold hard cash.
25. My hustling and huckstering skills are totally wasted on me. Perhaps I really should pursue Though No. 16.
2. In spite of that fact, I have an uncanny ability to locate and navigate anywhere on Earth - I can read any map, find any address, have located bathrooms in Baku and talked my way out of a Panamanian whorehouse.
3. Whenever I hear Oprah's buddy Dr. Oz mention that we should be getting it on, like, 250 days of the year for our health, I always scream at the TV "TELL IT TO BLUE CROSS/BLUE SHIELD!!!!! CAN'T THEY PROCURE ME SOME ACTION? I PAY ENOUGH FOR HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!!!!!
4. Perhaps, rather than screaming at Dr. Oz, I should write to my Congressional reps.
5. Now that I have a car, I've found I really miss my 3- to 4-hour CTA trips to and from work. It was the only time I had to myself, to think, nap, and, on the rare occasions my el car would empty itself of all other riders south of Garfield, I would sing really, really loud.
6. I'd sing all the best songs - Indigo Girls, Sarah Vaughn, Elvis Presley, Otis Redding, Edith Piaf.
7. When I'm blue and feeling useless, I have two secret son weapons I whip out, both by my beloved Marvin Gaye - "Pride and Joy" and "You're All I Need to Get By" (the incomparable Tammy Terrell is on that one).
8. Both of these songs remind me of that little boy I love more than my life itself, and that he is truth and solace, and that as far as having a man in one's life goes, I have the gold standard - the son.
9. My mother used to call my brother and I her "love children"; my son is that to me in her sense and the more traditional, Diana-Ross-and-the-Supremes sense of the phrase.
10. Sometimes I wonder how such a chump like me ended up with such a beautiful, wonderful little boy. It's evident that strangers wonder this too, and sometimes give me dirty looks because they clearly think it's unjust that my lard-assed, unkempt self's progeny is WAY BETTER LOOKING than theirs. To which I smile sweetly and think a pretty little phrase, a mere two words, the first of which begins with F.
11. Sometimes I wonder what good it did my parents to plan my brother and I so carefully and await our births so joyfully when my father died before my brother was born and my mother had to die 28 years later.
12. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue to keep from yelling out at certain relatives or other people who really piss me off "Why did God take my parents and leave you here?"
13. At those times, I'm thankful that some questions have no answers, and are best left unasked. I don't need to know all the answers. I'm not God.
14. After a lifetime of lots of responsibility and little authority, believe you me, I don't want more authority - I want NO responsbility and NO authority.
15. If I could do anything at all professionally, I'd be singing.
16. Or I'd be a legislator. I love pontificating and problem-solving and flying around on airplanes.
17. One day I will lose weight, and there will be hell to pay.
18. I have the best brother on earth. If I could be him for one day, I'd be him on the day he attends his high school reunion, and do all the things he's too mature and evolved to do - namely, openly laugh at all the losers who mocked him because he was true to himself and dared to be brilliant, ask them if their glory days have any meaning whatsoever now that they're paunchy, balding, undereducated, poorly employed, and unhappily married. The problem is, my brother and I were raised better than that, and we never made fun of anybody. Which, i'm beginning to realize, is exceptional, and only occurs if, as a parent, you refuse to gossip or speak ill of anyone in front of your children.
19. I would ask that my friends in New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Virginia, Indiana, Louisiana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Washington, Colorado, California, Ecuador, Germany, London, and Japan please move to Chicago immediately because I miss them.
20. I would ask all my Illinois-based people to stop by my house for a cup of coffee. or some rum - I have some really nice rum I brought home from PR.
21. Why do men say things to you that they don't mean or that they take back two days later with words like "I mean all that stuff, emotionally, but I'm not ready for a relationship." I'm asking for real; this is not a rhetorical question. How can anybody ever say shit that they don't mean? Don't they know that's lying?
22. I need to sell my car.
23. I need to buy a good fuzzy-logic rice cooker.
24. I've begun writing a screenplay. It's a chick flick. I hate those movies, but i'm not doing this for art; i'm doing it for cold hard cash.
25. My hustling and huckstering skills are totally wasted on me. Perhaps I really should pursue Though No. 16.
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