You'll note that some of these thoughts no longer apply as I've changed in 5 years. And so has healthcare.
1. I am absolutely
lost. I have no idea what i'm supposed to be doing, with this list or with
anything else.
2. In spite of that fact, I have an uncanny ability to locate and navigate anywhere on Earth - I can read any map, find any address, have located bathrooms in Baku and talked my way out of a Panamanian whorehouse.
3. Whenever I hear Oprah's buddy Dr. Oz mention that we should be getting it on, like, 250 days of the year for our health, I always scream at the TV "TELL IT TO BLUE CROSS/BLUE SHIELD!!!!! CAN'T THEY PROCURE ME SOME ACTION? I PAY ENOUGH FOR HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!!!!!
4. Perhaps, rather than screaming at Dr. Oz, I should write to my Congressional reps.
5. Now that I have a car, I've found I really miss my 3- to 4-hour CTA trips to and from work. It was the only time I had to myself, to think, nap, and, on the rare occasions my el car would empty itself of all other riders south of Garfield, I would sing really, really loud.
6. I'd sing all the best songs - Indigo Girls, Sarah Vaughn, Elvis Presley, Otis Redding, Edith Piaf.
7. When I'm blue and feeling useless, I have two secret son weapons I whip out, both by my beloved Marvin Gaye - "Pride and Joy" and "You're All I Need to Get By" (the incomparable Tammy Terrell is on that one).
8. Both of these songs remind me of that little boy I love more than my life itself, and that he is truth and solace, and that as far as having a man in one's life goes, I have the gold standard - the son.
9. My mother used to call my brother and I her "love children"; my son is that to me in her sense and the more traditional, Diana-Ross-and-the-Supremes sense of the phrase.
10. Sometimes I wonder how such a chump like me ended up with such a beautiful, wonderful little boy. It's evident that strangers wonder this too, and sometimes give me dirty looks because they clearly think it's unjust that my lard-assed, unkempt self's progeny is WAY BETTER LOOKING than theirs. To which I smile sweetly and think a pretty little phrase, a mere two words, the first of which begins with F.
11. Sometimes I wonder what good it did my parents to plan my brother and I so carefully and await our births so joyfully when my father died before my brother was born and my mother had to die 28 years later.
12. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue to keep from yelling out at certain relatives or other people who really piss me off "Why did God take my parents and leave you here?"
13. At those times, I'm thankful that some questions have no answers, and are best left unasked. I don't need to know all the answers. I'm not God.
14. After a lifetime of lots of responsibility and little authority, believe you me, I don't want more authority - I want NO responsbility and NO authority.
15. If I could do anything at all professionally, I'd be singing.
16. Or I'd be a legislator. I love pontificating and problem-solving and flying around on airplanes.
17. One day I will lose weight, and there will be hell to pay.
18. I have the best brother on earth. If I could be him for one day, I'd be him on the day he attends his high school reunion, and do all the things he's too mature and evolved to do - namely, openly laugh at all the losers who mocked him because he was true to himself and dared to be brilliant, ask them if their glory days have any meaning whatsoever now that they're paunchy, balding, undereducated, poorly employed, and unhappily married. The problem is, my brother and I were raised better than that, and we never made fun of anybody. Which, i'm beginning to realize, is exceptional, and only occurs if, as a parent, you refuse to gossip or speak ill of anyone in front of your children.
19. I would ask that my friends in New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Virginia, Indiana, Louisiana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Washington, Colorado, California, Ecuador, Germany, London, and Japan please move to Chicago immediately because I miss them.
20. I would ask all my Illinois-based people to stop by my house for a cup of coffee. or some rum - I have some really nice rum I brought home from PR.
21. Why do men say things to you that they don't mean or that they take back two days later with words like "I mean all that stuff, emotionally, but I'm not ready for a relationship." I'm asking for real; this is not a rhetorical question. How can anybody ever say shit that they don't mean? Don't they know that's lying?
22. I need to sell my car.
23. I need to buy a good fuzzy-logic rice cooker.
24. I've begun writing a screenplay. It's a chick flick. I hate those movies, but i'm not doing this for art; i'm doing it for cold hard cash.
25. My hustling and huckstering skills are totally wasted on me. Perhaps I really should pursue Though No. 16.
2. In spite of that fact, I have an uncanny ability to locate and navigate anywhere on Earth - I can read any map, find any address, have located bathrooms in Baku and talked my way out of a Panamanian whorehouse.
3. Whenever I hear Oprah's buddy Dr. Oz mention that we should be getting it on, like, 250 days of the year for our health, I always scream at the TV "TELL IT TO BLUE CROSS/BLUE SHIELD!!!!! CAN'T THEY PROCURE ME SOME ACTION? I PAY ENOUGH FOR HEALTH INSURANCE!!!!!!!!
4. Perhaps, rather than screaming at Dr. Oz, I should write to my Congressional reps.
5. Now that I have a car, I've found I really miss my 3- to 4-hour CTA trips to and from work. It was the only time I had to myself, to think, nap, and, on the rare occasions my el car would empty itself of all other riders south of Garfield, I would sing really, really loud.
6. I'd sing all the best songs - Indigo Girls, Sarah Vaughn, Elvis Presley, Otis Redding, Edith Piaf.
7. When I'm blue and feeling useless, I have two secret son weapons I whip out, both by my beloved Marvin Gaye - "Pride and Joy" and "You're All I Need to Get By" (the incomparable Tammy Terrell is on that one).
8. Both of these songs remind me of that little boy I love more than my life itself, and that he is truth and solace, and that as far as having a man in one's life goes, I have the gold standard - the son.
9. My mother used to call my brother and I her "love children"; my son is that to me in her sense and the more traditional, Diana-Ross-and-the-Supremes sense of the phrase.
10. Sometimes I wonder how such a chump like me ended up with such a beautiful, wonderful little boy. It's evident that strangers wonder this too, and sometimes give me dirty looks because they clearly think it's unjust that my lard-assed, unkempt self's progeny is WAY BETTER LOOKING than theirs. To which I smile sweetly and think a pretty little phrase, a mere two words, the first of which begins with F.
11. Sometimes I wonder what good it did my parents to plan my brother and I so carefully and await our births so joyfully when my father died before my brother was born and my mother had to die 28 years later.
12. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue to keep from yelling out at certain relatives or other people who really piss me off "Why did God take my parents and leave you here?"
13. At those times, I'm thankful that some questions have no answers, and are best left unasked. I don't need to know all the answers. I'm not God.
14. After a lifetime of lots of responsibility and little authority, believe you me, I don't want more authority - I want NO responsbility and NO authority.
15. If I could do anything at all professionally, I'd be singing.
16. Or I'd be a legislator. I love pontificating and problem-solving and flying around on airplanes.
17. One day I will lose weight, and there will be hell to pay.
18. I have the best brother on earth. If I could be him for one day, I'd be him on the day he attends his high school reunion, and do all the things he's too mature and evolved to do - namely, openly laugh at all the losers who mocked him because he was true to himself and dared to be brilliant, ask them if their glory days have any meaning whatsoever now that they're paunchy, balding, undereducated, poorly employed, and unhappily married. The problem is, my brother and I were raised better than that, and we never made fun of anybody. Which, i'm beginning to realize, is exceptional, and only occurs if, as a parent, you refuse to gossip or speak ill of anyone in front of your children.
19. I would ask that my friends in New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Virginia, Indiana, Louisiana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Washington, Colorado, California, Ecuador, Germany, London, and Japan please move to Chicago immediately because I miss them.
20. I would ask all my Illinois-based people to stop by my house for a cup of coffee. or some rum - I have some really nice rum I brought home from PR.
21. Why do men say things to you that they don't mean or that they take back two days later with words like "I mean all that stuff, emotionally, but I'm not ready for a relationship." I'm asking for real; this is not a rhetorical question. How can anybody ever say shit that they don't mean? Don't they know that's lying?
22. I need to sell my car.
23. I need to buy a good fuzzy-logic rice cooker.
24. I've begun writing a screenplay. It's a chick flick. I hate those movies, but i'm not doing this for art; i'm doing it for cold hard cash.
25. My hustling and huckstering skills are totally wasted on me. Perhaps I really should pursue Though No. 16.
